Simple practices for resilient happiness from Rick Hanson, PhD
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I’d like to tell you about a political event - and please skip ahead if that wouldn’t interest you.
This is an online program on July 13 with Senator Cory Booker, Tara Brach, Konda Mason, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and others in support of voter turnout in three key swing states this November. I hope you will join me in attending this program, and telling people about it. It’s free, it’s inspiring, and it’s aimed at protecting our fragile democracy. Click here to learn more.
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Do you got to?
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The Practice:
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Enjoy the Freedom Not To.
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Why?
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We're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized "voices" from parents and other authority figures.
Sometimes these pressures are necessary, like a flashing light on your car's dashboard telling you to get gas. Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
But on the whole, these pressures are stressful and breed a sense of helplessness. Plus, a lot of the internal forces come from childhood, irrational fears, unfair self-criticism, ancient tendencies in the brain (e.g., its negativity bias), or the darker corners of human nature; acting out these forces is bad for us and others.
Giving oneself over to these pressures is un-free, like being a puppet tugged by many strings. It's the opposite of well-being to be "hijacked," "obsessed," "addicted," "plugged in," or "compelled" – which all imply mental servitude if not slavery.
On the other hand, a sense of inner freedom is a hallmark of emotional healing, mental health, self-actualization, and the upper reaches of human potential. For example, a common term for enlightenment is "liberation."
In plain English, we all know what it feels like to be pushed around . . . and what it feels like to have choices and be autonomous.
So, lately, I've been softly saying this phrase in my mind – the freedom not to – and seeing what happens. And what's been happening is great. A feeling of ease, of room to breathe, of not needing to jump to some task or to agree or disagree immediately with someone. A sense of shock absorbers between me and my emotional reactions, of not making a mess that I've got to clean up later, of not embarrassing myself, of not swapping a minute of pleasure for an hour of pain.
Being intimate with life while feeling free within it.
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How?
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For one or more of the items just below, imagine what it would feel like for you to have the freedom not to:
- Press your point home
- Struggle to get someone to change his or her mind
- Have a second drink. Or a first one.
- Worry what other people think about you
- React to what is swirling around you
- Act on an impulse
- Get into an argument
- Be swept along by anger
- Identify with a mood or point of view passing through awareness
- Take something personally
- Take responsibility for the experiences of other people
- Criticize yourself for not being able to fit into a pair of jeans
- Resist what's unpleasant
- Drive toward what's pleasant
- Cling to what's heartfelt
For one or more of the items just above, imagine how your greater freedom would help others. Also, let others be freer themselves with you; give them room to breathe, time to think, and feel.
Faced with things that grab you in daily life, play with phrases like these in your mind: I'm free not to . . . I'm free not to __________ . . . I'm free . . . there is a choice . . . Slow things down, pause, buy yourself some time, that space of freedom between stimulus and response. If others are getting intense, try gently talking to yourself, reminding yourself: You are free . . . you can choose your response . . . they are over there and you are over here . . . there is freedom . . .
Notice what it's like to feel freer. Enjoy it. Let this experience sink in.
Be at peace.
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST
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Psychological Defenses: How to Understand (and change) Your Mind and Behavior
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Psychological defenses are subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable emotions, and they exert a hidden power over our behavior. From denial and repression to projection and rationalization, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how these defenses shape our actions, influence our relationships, and affect our overall well-being.
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Watch/Listen to the Episode
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More Good Stuff
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WEDNESDAY MEDITATION
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Watch last week's meditation and talk on 7 Practices for Dealing with Regrets, and if you haven't yet, join me every week for this free, live offering.
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The James Webb Space Telescope has unveiled a remarkable glimpse into our cosmic origins, revealing star clusters within a galaxy that existed a mere 460 million years after the Big Bang, offering us a profound opportunity to deepen our understanding of the Universe's early development.
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FOR PARENTS
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We give even when a part of ourselves may not want to; often the most meaningful giving to our children is offered when our personal preference would be to do something else.
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Making Great Relationships
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Get 50 simple practices for solving conflicts, building connection, and fostering love in my latest book.
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"A sense of inner freedom is a hallmark of emotional healing, mental health, self-actualization, and the upper reaches of human potential."
Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
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Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024)
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