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Hi friend,
It’s normal and healthy for us to process our experiences emotionally, but sometimes during that processing we just get stuck — returning to the same painful memory, current anxiety, or disturbing thought over, and over, and over again.
One question I get asked a lot is:
How can I tell if I'm ruminating, or just processing?
So I've created a fun and reflective quiz you can take, and below I've offered up a helpful list of what is, and what is not problematic rumination. (Hint: when your thoughts turn chronically negative and repetitive, without any progress, that's problematic rumination.)
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What IS Rumination:
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Dwelling on something repetitively, negatively, and unproductively
An ongoing, deliberate engagement with the negative material, that you keep getting drawn back into, keeping you stuck
Recurring and persistent worries, resentments, regrets, self-doubts
Revisting thoughts, interactions, memories, feelings, sensations, or desires that make us feel bad
Interfering with your ability to think about other things, be productive, or enjoy the good aspects of life
Not generating anything new in terms of new ways of thinking, new behaviors, or new possibilities—just rehashing the same old information without any change
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Examples of problematic rumination:
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Replaying conversations over and over. You keep going over what you said or a text exchange, criticizing yourself or imagining how they must have judged you. Even though nothing new is coming up, you keep cycling through the same thoughts. “I can’t believe I said that. They probably think I’m _________.”
Getting stuck in “what if” loops. You constantly imagine worst-case scenarios or dwell on what could have happened, even though it's out of your control. “What if I fail again?" "What if this ruins everything?" "What if they leave me?”
Mentally revisiting past mistakes or regrets. You keep going back to decisions you made—whether it was last week or ten years ago—beating yourself up or wishing you could go back and change things. “If only I had ________… everything would be better.”
Constant self-judgment. Your inner critic takes the wheel, and you spiral into harsh self-talk that doesn’t help you grow—just makes you feel worse. “I’m so stupid. I always mess things up. I’m not good enough.”
Looping through unresolved conflicts. You rehearse an argument in your head repeatedly, imagining what you should have said—or building your case for the next time. “They had no right to ________. I should’ve said ________.”
Obsessing over how others perceive you. You analyze people’s reactions to you, trying to decode whether they like you, approve of you, or are secretly judging you. “She didn’t smile back—did I do something wrong? Was I too much?”
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What is NOT Rumination:
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Daydreaming, fantasizing, or positive reminiscing
Mulling things over, and stepping back and reflecting
Revisiting compelling experiences, and “processing” them
Having intrusive images, thoughts, feelings, etc. from painful, traumatic experiences
Being shadowed by moods of sorrow, regret, anxiety, or anger
Thinking you have turned the corner on something . . . and then being surprised by another wave of grief, outrage, etc. (the key here is that it is not deliberate)
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Ready to get out of the negative thought loops?
Join my upcoming 5-week course:
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Learn practical things you can do to disrupt four common and negative thought patterns — worries, grievances, regrets, and self-critism — so you can let them go and move on.
Save 40% when you register by Friday.
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| Learn More / Register
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Remember: noticing that you’re ruminating is actually a huge first step. With awareness comes choice—and with choice, the possibility of change.
Warmly,
Rick
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