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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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Do you find yourself stuck in your head—replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, or obsessing over what might go wrong? You spend a lot of time thinking... without making any real progress. If that sounds familiar, you may want to check out my upcoming Breaking Out of Rumination course - which starts this Saturday and is on sale now. |
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What are they feeling? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Tune Into Others. |
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— Why? — |
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Imagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own.
That's a world without empathy.
Empathic breakdowns shake the foundation of a relationship; just recall a time you felt misunderstood – or even worse, a time when the other person couldn’t care less about understanding you. In particular, anyone who is vulnerable (e.g., children, the elderly) has a profound need for empathy, and when it’s a thin soup or missing altogether, that’s very disturbing. In my experience as a therapist, poor empathy is the core problem in most troubled couples or families; without it, nothing good is likely to happen; with it, even the toughest issues can be resolved.
Empathy gives you a feeling of what it's like to be another person. When you are empathic, even quietly and tacitly, that tells the other person that he or she exists for you as a being, as a Thou to your I. That's usually what people most want to know; it's more fundamental than whatever topic is on the table.
Empathy is soothing, calming, and bridge-building; when it's present, it's much easier to work through things. Empathy gives you lots of useful information, like what's most important to others or what's really bothering them. |
— How? — |
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What's on your own shortlist of the things that would make a big difference for you? Perhaps you, too, would benefit from getting to bed earlier. Or from listening to someone for five minutes or more each day with no expectations. Or from regular exercise, meditation, or prayer. Or from dropping one bad habit, or from picking up that guitar again. Perhaps making art would make a big difference for you, or staying calm with the kids, or finally beginning to spend a few hours each week on starting your new business.
Take a moment to imagine the rewards to you and others if you did this one good thing for yourself tomorrow. How would you feel at the end of the day? What would be the benefits? And then imagine those benefits coming to you and others the day after tomorrow . . . and the days and weeks and months after that.
Of course, all you can do is tend to the causes; you can't control the results. You can water a fruit tree but you can't make it give you an apple. But no matter what happens, you know you have tried your best.
Keep coming back to the feeling of nurturing yourself. It's OK to take care of yourself in this way. Try to feel the warmth for yourself, the strength to gently guide your future self - the one who will be doing this one good thing tomorrow, and the days after that - to keep watering this particular fruit tree.
And know that you can water more than one tree. But it helps to zero in on just one or a few things to focus on for a year.
And then a year from now, looking back to this day, you'll likely be enjoying a beautiful sweet rich harvest! |
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Know someone who could use more empathy? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
How to Find Your Path in Life with David Epstein |
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In one of my favorite conversations, bestselling author David Epstein joins the podcast to explore how to find your path in life, the problem with 10,000 hours, and why generalists triumph in a specialized world. David and I discuss why sampling different paths before specializing tends to lead to more fulfillment. David explains why feeling “behind” is actually normal for successful people who take non-linear paths, and how “fit looks like grit” when you find something that genuinely connects with your strengths and interests. We then detail how to identify good fits, a practical process for getting good at almost anything, and what helps create a breakthrough moment. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Working Productively With Our Hindrances and Personality Patterns |
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Last week, guest teacher Dr. Tina Rasmussen offered a talk on Working Productively With Our Hindrances and Personality Patterns, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join every week for this free, live offering.
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| Check It Out |
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Scientists are working on a cool way to capture carbon dioxide from seawater using electricity, which not only helps the environment but also creates useful minerals that can be used in construction and more.
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FOR PARENTS
Thinking of yourself as a do-er as well as the nature of your doing may draw you away from the core of your own being, your own interests and goals. It can be hard to experience having a life of your own, especially as a parent.
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FREE WORKSHEET ON RUMINATION
If you find yourself getting stuck on negative thoughts, try this free worksheet that helps you break that cycle with a simple, step-by-step process. It offers practical steps to calm obsessive thinking, shift your focus, and start feeling more clear, grounded, and in control.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Hardwiring Happiness |
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Beat the brain’s negativity bias with the power of positive neuroplasticity for lasting contentment, calm, and confidence. This New York Times bestseller is available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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| Get Your Copy |
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"Poor empathy is the core problem in most troubled couples or families; without it, nothing good is likely to happen; with it, even the toughest issues can be resolved." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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