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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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If you've had trouble following through on goals in the past, you might be interested in a workshop I'm offering this Saturday that will offer practical tips for setting goals that you can stick to. Join me for 90 minutes of practical advice on making Resolutions That Last. (And if you can't join live, you can still sign up to get lifetime access to the recording!) |
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What's weighing you down? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Lighten Up. |
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— Why? — |
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On the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight.
What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To-Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and regrets.
Remember a time when you lightened your load. Maybe a backpacking trip when every needless pound stayed home. Or after you finally left a bad relationship. Or just stop worrying about something. Or came clean with a friend about something that had been bothering you. How did this feel? Probably pretty great.
Sure, we are no longer nomadic hunter-gatherers whose possessions could be carried in one hand. You know what you really need in this life; personally, I'm glad about good friends and a full refrigerator. But all the extra physical and mental stuff you lug around complicates your life, weighs you down, and keeps you stuck. There's enough weightiness in life as it is without adding more.
Putting this subject in a larger framework, consider the Hindu idea that God has three primary manifestations: Creator, Preserver, and Destroyer. I can't do justice in this brief space to this view, but the simple notion that works for me is that there is a lawful and beneficial principle in the universe that is about pruning, emptying, completing, and ending.
This positive "destroying" – very broadly defined – enables creating and preserving, as exhaling enables inhaling, or emptying a cup of something bitter enables filling it with something sweet.
Dropping loads enables lightening up. |
— How? — |
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In general: Lay your burdens down. And rarely pick up new ones.
Now the details: Pick someplace of storage – like a bookshelf, drawer, or corner of a closet – and clear it out of everything you no longer truly want or absolutely need. Give it away or throw it away. Notice how this feels – both anxiety and positive feelings. Sometimes we fear we will sort of blow away in life if we don't have a lot of stuff. Then focus on the positive feelings and be open to a sense of reward in dropping things you don't need. Keep going with other stuff you don't want or need, both at home and at work.
Take a hard look at your obligations, responsibilities, and tasks. Maybe write down a list. Ask yourself: do I really need to do all of these things??! Open to that voice of wisdom in you that's telling you what you can afford to drop. Open to a sense of freedom and autonomy: you get to decide what makes the most sense to do, not the "shoulds" yammering away inside your head. Decide what you can give to others to do - and get them to do it. Decide what you could stop doing, whether others pick it up or not.
For a period of time (a day, a week, a year), do not take on a single new major obligation. Regard all-new activities, events, and tasks as "guilty until proven innocent" – toss them in your backpack only if you are certain you truly want to or absolutely have to.
Consider your relationships. Which ones feel weighty, entangled, encumbered? Then consider what you could do about that. Could you step back? No longer engage certain topics (e.g., intractable health problems, conflicts with third parties, the past)? No longer perform certain roles (e.g., problem-solving, quasi-therapist, dating advisor)?
Take a look at your mind: what weighs it down? Guilt about long-ago misdeeds? Needless anxiety? High, perfectionistic standards? Grumbling anger? Grievances? Passivity, lethargy? Doubt? Taking yourself way too seriously? Whatever it is, for a brief period of time – half an hour, half a day – totally drop it. At the first whiff, drop it. See what that's like: probably pretty great! Then ride that great wave of relief and lightness and continue dropping those lead weights in your mind.
Overall: if in doubt, throw it out.
Play with feeling lighter in your body. As if you are lifted up by invisible helium balloons. Lighter in your step. Your head is lighter on your shoulders.
Lighter in your heart. |
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Know someone who could lighten up? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Healing Attachment Wounds with Elizabeth Ferreira |
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Attachment wounds are emotional injuries that develop based on painful experiences with those we care about. These experiences create a kind of blueprint we carry around for how relationships work, and when that internal model is based on fear and pain, it’s hard for our relationships to thrive. Somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins the show to help us understand ways of healing attachment wounds and developing more secure forms of relating. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Responding Effectively to the Crises and Craziness of Our Time |
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Last week, guest teacher Dr. Roger Walsh offered a live meditation on Practices to Deepen Your Meditation, followed by a talk on Responding Effectively to the Crises and Craziness of Our Time, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join every week for this free, live offering.
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
While the internet is awash in countless conspiracy theories - covering just about everything imaginable - here are 25 debunked theories about space that are very interesting.
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FOR PARENTS
Being a skillful parent while your kids are teenagers is obviously important. But the best approach is preventing problems during the elementary and middle school years.
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THE EMOTIONAL LONGEVITY PODCAST
My friend and fellow psychologist Dr. Elisha Goldstein just launched The Emotional Longevity Podcast this week. Forrest and I were fortunate to be his guests on one of the first episodes, and we thought you might like to check out this great new podcast, which focuses on emotional health and well-being.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Hardwiring Happiness |
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Beat the brain’s negativity bias with the power of positive neuroplasticity for lasting contentment, calm, and confidence. This New York Times bestseller is available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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| Get Your Copy |
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"When seen as empty – not meaningless and not nonexistent, but insubstantial and ephemeral – the anticipated pleasures of getting stuff done aren’t as compelling and the anticipated pains of not doing aren’t as worrisome." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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