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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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Insecure attachment patterns formed in childhood can impact our adult relationships in profound ways. But there's hope—with the right tools and guidance, you can heal old wounds and create more fulfilling relationships — which is what I'll be teaching in my upcoming 5-week course on Healing Insecure Attachment. Sign up by April 18th to save 50%! |
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What are your intentions toward others? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Be Benevolent. |
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— Why? — |
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Benevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself.
This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it is not neutral or indifferent. Benevolence is the opposite of ill will, coldness, prejudice, cruelty, and aggression. We've all been benevolent, we all know what it's like to wish someone well.
Benevolence is widely praised - from parents telling children to share their toys to saints preaching the Golden Rule - because it has so many benefits:
- Benevolence toward oneself is needed to fulfill our three fundamental needs: to avoid harm, approach rewards, and attach to others. When these needs are met, your brain shifts into its Responsive mode, in which the body repairs and refuels itself, you feel peaceful, happy, and loving.
- Benevolence toward others reduces quarrels, builds trust, and is the best-odds strategy to get good treatment in return.
- Benevolence within and between nations promotes the rule of law, educates children, feeds the hungry, supports human rights, offers humanitarian aid, and works for peace. Benevolence toward our planet tries to protect endangered species and reduce global warming.
Of course, this is just a partial list of benefits. Bottom-line, benevolence is good for individuals, relationships, nations, and the world as a whole.
The fact that benevolence is often enlightened self-interest makes it no less warm-hearted and virtuous. And at this time in history when individuals feel increasingly stressed and isolated, when relationships often stand on shaky ground, when international conflicts are fueled by dwindling resources and increasingly lethal weapons, and when humanity is dumping over nine billion tons of carbon each year into the atmosphere (like throwing 5 billion cars a year up into the sky, most of which stay there) - benevolence is not just moral, it's essential.
But easier said than done.
How can we sustain benevolence in ourselves and in our relationships, nations, and world? |
— How? — |
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Know what benevolence feels like in your body, heart, and mind - Bring to mind a sense of warmth and good wishes toward someone. How does this feel? Try on other kinds of benevolence, and toward other beings, to sense what these are like as well.
- Realize that benevolence is natural and normal - In the media, we are so bombarded with words and images of anti-benevolence that you can start to think that ordinary decency and kindness are somehow exotic. But in fact, as we evolved, our ancestors stayed alive and passed on their genes by caring about themselves and others. And given the gratitude and reverence for nature commonly found in hunter-gatherer bands today, they likely also cared about the world upon which they depended.
- Take care of yourself - When your core needs are met - when you're not stressed by threat, loss, or rejection - the brain defaults to its resting state, its home base. From this home base, most people are fair-minded, empathic, cooperative, compassionate, and kind: in a word, benevolent. While it's possible to sustain goodwill in a state of fear, frustration, or loneliness, it is sure a lot harder. An undisturbed, healthy brain is a benevolent one.
- Take a stand for benevolence - Establish your intentions formally - perhaps at the start of the day, or during a contemplative practice, or at a meal - to wish yourself and all other beings well. In challenging situations, take care of your needs while also asking yourself, "How could I be benevolent here? How could I restrain any destructive thoughts, words, or deeds? Can I wish for the welfare of others? Can I express compassion and kindness?"
- Step out of your comfort zone - Not doing anything foolish, consider how you could stretch a bit (or more) in your good intentions toward others. For example, seeing people you don't know, try wishing them well. Or with someone who's irritating, try looking past the surface to sense this person's own stress and worries; without waiving your rights, can you find more patience, can you let go of recrimination or payback? Or could you extend yourself with friends or family, maybe doing more dishes or giving someone a ride? In the larger world, consider volunteering some time or giving more to a charity.
- Last, appreciate some of the benevolence that buoys you along - We've all been nurtured and protected by friends and family, humanity altogether, and the biosphere. In some sense, there's an exuberant benevolence in the physical universe itself; consider that most of the atoms in your body - any that are heavier than helium - were born inside an exploding star. Afloat in these gifts, who could not be benevolent?!
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Know someone who could use more benevolence? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Linking: The Secret to Rewiring Painful Memories |
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Forrest and Dr. Rick explore one of his most powerful psychological tools: linking. Over time, linking can help us rewire the brain, softening the impact of painful memories. They discuss the neuroscience behind this process, the role of memory reconsolidation, and the importance of matching positive experiences to our original pains. Rick shares personal examples, practical tips, and a few important cautions so you can apply this technique safely. This is a grounded, hands-on episode focused on one of his most high-impact ideas. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Stress Relief through Mindful Breathing |
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Last week I offered a live meditation on Mindfulness of Breathing: Traditional Steps, followed by a talk on Practical Wisdom for Stress from Mindfulness of Breathing, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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| Check It Out |
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Researchers are finding that Bonobos use various vocal calls in a way that's surprisingly similar to human language, combining peeps, whistles, and grunts to create new meanings.
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FOR PARENTS
Studies show that the most influential event in the life of a couple is usually the arrival of children. Often, the mother withdraws energy and attention from the father for the children, and the father withdraws from the mother both in reaction to her withdrawal and to provide for the family. Kids can also be the innocent catalysts of conflicts over money, schedules, values, religion, etc. These are real events with real consequences that require real action.
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MY REFLECTIONS ON ADOLESCENCE on NETFLIX
I've been watching the new Netflix show Adolescence — which is powerful and difficult all at the same time, and touches on the many forces that can shape young people today. I decided to record my reactions and thoughts while watching the show, and you can check out my responses to Episode 1, here.
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MASTERCLASS: HEALING ANXIETY, SHAME, AND ANGER
I'm excited to join my colleagues Steve Hayes and Diana Hill for the GCC masterclass Healing Anxiety, Shame, and Anger, where you'll learn to harness these emotions as catalysts for growth, cultivate self-compassion, and build emotional resilience through engaging lessons and practical exercises.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Neurodharma |
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New Science, Ancient Wisdom, and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"At this time in history when individuals feel increasingly stressed and isolated, when relationships often stand on shaky ground, when international conflicts are fueled by dwindling resources and increasingly lethal weapons, and when humanity is dumping over nine billion tons of carbon each year into the atmosphere, benevolence is not just moral, it's essential." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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