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MindFull of GOOD

Dr. Rick Hanson's Occasional Collection of Good, Free Stuff

NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

What to Do When Your Worst Fears Come True: Mailbag

"If you regard yourself as sort of broken — a hot mess, and a project — when you run into setbacks, it will seem like it confirms your worst thought about yourself. On the other hand, if you see yourself as being a plucky, admirable experimenter who is a voyager in life — trying new things, meeting new people — then when setbacks occur, you can frame it entirely as good news."
— DR. RICK HANSON

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners, many of which focused on anxiety experiences. They start by discussing “dreaded experiences,” and how we can respond when our worst fears come true. Rick then shares how we can respond effectively to feedback, before answering a short question about taking in the good. Forrest and Rick then answer three questions related to different kinds of anxiety: social anxiety, managing different levels of concern in a relationship, and anxiety brought on by slowing down.

NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY TALK/MEDITATION:

How to Prevent Life’s Wear and Tear – and Release the Past

There’s a critical distinction between the unavoidable pains of life—the “first dart”—and the unnecessary suffering we add on top of it—the “second dart.” This second dart is where most of our suffering comes from, and it’s largely driven by “craving”—that persistent sense that something is missing, wrong, or threatening.

The problem is that our brains are wired to react to perceived threats and unmet needs, but in today’s world, we are often flooded with signals that keep us in a state of low-grade stress. This constant pressure builds up “allostatic load”—the wear and tear on our bodies and minds from living too long in the “red zone” or even the “pink zone” of chronic stress. This buildup weighs on us, making us more sensitive to stress down the road, and leaving us feeling more frustrated, resentful, and stuck.

In this talk, I offer three practical strategies to break this cycle and prevent life’s wear and tear.

ALSO NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic People with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism and narcissistic abuse, joins Forrest to help us learn how to understand, identify, and recover from relationships with narcissistic people.

ASK RICK:

In your books Buddha’s Brain and Hardwiring Happiness, you mention a variety of methods for reducing stress. Which three methods do you consider generally to be the most effective?

In principle, there are three places we can intervene to make things better: out in the world, in the body, and in the mind. All are important. For example, a person could reduce stress by shifting out a living situation (intervening out in the world) that has stressful roommates in it. In this context, I’ll focus on three methods inside the mind.

"Obviously, what is most effective in the mind will depend on the person and their situation."

And we need to recognize that challenges need not be experienced as stressors. For one person, a promotion with new responsibilities (challenge) could feel demanding, intense, and like a lot of work, but not feel significantly stressful; for a different person, the same challenge could feel really stressful (e.g., body revved up, unpleasant sense of pressure, negative emotions like anxiety or irritability).

In this light, and in general, here are my top three stress-busters:

• Exhaling – And relaxing the body in other ways as well.
• Turning toward some authentic positive experience – Washing your hands, eating something good, thinking of something you feel grateful for, smelling something nice, etc.
• Giving or receiving love – Any form of caring is good here, such as feeling included, seen, appreciated, liked, or loved.

We evolved to handle brief bursts of stress for immediate survival purposes, but chronic stress – even mild to moderate – is not good for long-term physical and mental health. Remember that negative emotions are stressful in their own right; it wears on body and mind to be chronically anxious, frustrated, irritated, hurt, or insecure.

RICK'S PICKS:

PODCAST: Deconstructing Yourself

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