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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:
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Healing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships
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"Self-abandonment starts with fragmentation and then relationships between parts. If you grow up in a culture in which you're already more integrated, then you're less fragmented, and so there's less possibility of self-abandonment."
– Dr. Rick Hanson
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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally.
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| Watch/Listen to the Full Episode |
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ALSO NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:
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Things We Wish We Knew in Our 20s
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Our 20s are a unique decade filled with opportunity…including the opportunity to make a lot of mistakes. Dr. Rick and Forrest share (roughly) 10 things they wish they’d known back then.
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| Watch/Listen to the Full Episode |
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ASK RICK:
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Why do people 'beat themselves up'? Does it serve any hidden purpose?
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I think people beat themselves up – which is different from healthy guidance of oneself (which includes appropriate winces of remorse or shame) – for two reasons: too much inner attacking, and too little inner nurturance. These two forces in the mind are out of balance. Why? Multiple reasons, including individual differences in temperament (some people are more prone to anxiety or grumpiness). But for most people the primary sources are what they have internalized (especially as a child) from their family, peers, and culture. Then, once harsh self-criticism has been internalized along with insufficient internalization of self-nurturance, beating oneself up can take on a life of its own, both as
simply a habit and as a way (that goes much too far, at considerable cost) to avoid the possibility of making mistakes or looking bad in front of others.
Whole networks of neurons and related and complex physical processes (e.g., neurotransmitter activity, epigenetic processes) are the basis for acquiring fears, including because a person has been on the receiving end of much anger from others.
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"In other words, learning occurs: emotional, social, somatic, motivational, attitudinal learning: enduring changes in neural structure or function due to a person’s experiences."
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| The amygdala also flags experiences as personally relevant, with a bias in most people’s brains toward flagging what is negatively relevant. Then the hippocampus gets involved, tagging that relevant experience for storage. (I’m simplifying a complex process that also involves other circuitry in the brain.) The amygdala and hippocampus have receptors for various neurochemicals, including oxytocin, and over time these subcortical parts of the brain (two of each, on either side of the brain) can be modified by our experiences; in effect, they “learn,” too. |
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FREE ONLINE CONFERENCE:
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2024 Hormone Super Conference
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In case you haven't had time to check it out yet, there are still 2 more days left in the 2024 Hormone Super Conference. Discover how to identify and heal hormone disruptions and imbalances as a means of experiencing dramatically improved physical, mental, and emotional health.
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| Learn More |
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NEW FROM FORREST:
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What Do You Want?
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In this new video, Forrest talks about why you don't know what you want, how you can figure it out, and how to start meeting your needs more effectively.
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| Watch the Video |
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RICK'S PICKS:
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A Short Story: "Zzzzzz…."
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My friend Dan Brook, who is a Senior Lecturer Emeritus at San Jose State University, wrote this great short story about the contradictions, desires, and attachments a man notices on the way to his weekly meditation gathering.
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MindFull of Good is a free newsletter that highlights new and free content from Dr. Rick Hanson and the Being Well Podcast as well as other free offerings to fill yourself up with good.
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