Simple practices for resilient happiness from Rick Hanson, PhD
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If you struggle with persistent self-criticism, difficulty making decisions, allowing others to take advantage of you, abandoning your own needs to please others, or feeling ashamed and regretful, then you may want to check out my upcoming Self-Worth workshop. If you sign up by this Saturday you can save 28% with the
early-bird discount!
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What do you do when the bottom falls out?
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The Practice:
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Take Heart.
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Why?
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It takes heart to live in even ordinary times.
Even more so, it takes heart to live in, live with, and live beyond times that are really hard. Your personal hard time might be bad news about your health, the death of a parent, or betrayal by others. Or it could be related to changes in your country and world, and your concerns about their effects on others and yourself.
By “taking heart,” I mean several related things:
- Sensing your heart and chest
- Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you
- Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for you from others; love flowing in and love flowing
out
- Being courageous, whole-hearted and strong-hearted – going forward wisely, even when anxious, knowing your own truth and, as you can, speaking it
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When you take heart, you’re more able to deal with challenges like aging, illness, trauma, or conflicts with others. You’re also more able to take advantage of opportunities with confidence and grit.
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There are so many examples of honorable people facing great difficulty with dignity, principle, and courage. They did it. We can, too.
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How?
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Start by riding out the storm.
When big things happen at any scale – in your child’s schoolyard or in a refugee camp on the other side of the world – it is completely natural and normal to be shocked and disturbed by them.
As best you can, stay with the raw experience, the body sensations, the deep feelings, the stirred up fears and anger and perhaps paralysis.
Whatever it is, it is your experience; some may be upset about a big event while others may be glad about it; I am definitely not trying to talk you out of your experience. Be mindful of whatever is passing through the big open space of awareness, observing it without being flooded by it. Painful and counterintuitive as it may be, this is the foundation of releasing really hard experiences and replacing them gradually and authentically with thoughts and feelings that are helpful, wholesome, wise, and even happy.
Do things that help you come back to center and find your footing.
Personally, I prioritize exercise, sleep, and meditation; I try to feel the truth of being basically alright right now, in this moment, moment after moment (alongside and deeper than pain or sorrow); I do the dishes and make the bed. Walk the dog, call a friend, eat something, look at trees and sky, get a cup of tea and stare into space. Take good care of your body.
Guard and guide your attention.
It’s one thing to find facts and form the best plans you can. It’s another thing to get distracted or upset by news or other people that do not add any useful value.
Take heart in the good that is real.
Outside you, there is the kindness in others, the beauty of a single leaf, the stars that still shine no matter what hides them. Right now as you read, all over the world children are laughing in delight, families are sitting down to a meal, babies are being born, and loving arms are holding people who are dying. Inside you, there is your compassion, sincere efforts, sweet memories, capabilities – and much more. Take heart with others, sharing worries, support, and friendship.
Do the things you can.
The more that events are turbulent, alarming, and beyond your influence, the more important it is to grow stability, safety, and agency inside you and around you.
Have courage.
At all human scales, strong forces have always tried to confuse and frighten others. Whatever outward action is necessary, you can preserve an inner freedom, never cowed or bowed in your core.
Last, I’ve found it really helps to have perspective.
Without minimizing one bit of whatever is awful, it is also true that humans like you and I have been walking this earth for nearly 300,000 years. I see the trees, the land, the ocean – all of it here before me and lasting long after me. Empires rise and fall. Sometimes the center does not hold – in a body, marriage, or nation – and still. And still people love each other, go out of their way for a stranger, and marvel at a rainbow. Nothing, nothing at all can change this. We keep putting one foot in front of the other one, lifting each other up along the way.
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST
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How to Make the Most of Your 20s
with Dr. Meg Jay
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Twentysomethings are bombarded with misinformation, hype, and contradictory messages that pull them in many different directions. Dr. Meg Jay, a specialist on what she calls the “defining decade,” joins Forrest to explore how we can navigate this transformative and often anxiety-provoking time in our lives.
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Watch/Listen to the Episode
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More Good Stuff
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WEDNESDAY MEDITATION
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Feeling anxious? Watch last week's meditation and talk on How to Prevent and Release Needless Anxiety, and if you haven't yet, join me every week for this free, live offering.
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Sunlight and wind are rapidly growing energy sources, but researchers like Jun Yao, an applied physicist at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, are exploring the potential of harnessing moisture in the air for power generation through devices like hydrovoltaics.
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FOR PARENTS
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The majority of teenagers dabble with mediocrity and risky behavior, have some (sometimes scary) fun, and then move on. Adolescents do usually learn valuable, lifelong lessons through experiences that can stand their parents’ hair on end. We'll explore how parents can support the development of the positive motivations within their kids that will draw them toward productive
and healthy paths.
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Making Great Relationships
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Get 50 simple practices for solving conflicts, building connection, and fostering love in my latest book.
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"To handle a problem in a responsive rather than a reactive way, try to call upon the inner strengths and related experiences that can best take care of the core need that is being challenged."
Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
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Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2023)
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