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MindFull of GOOD |
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Dr. Rick Hanson's Occasional Collection of Good, Free Stuff |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST: |
Anxious and Avoidant in Relationship: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic |
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"There's a difference between what our tendencies are and what our behavior ends up being. A lot of life is about recognizing and coming to terms with our tendencies and then lowering their influence on our behavior so we can increasingly be at choice."
— DR. RICK HANSON |
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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we’re drawn to people who activate our insecurities, how anxiety manifests differently in “pursuers” versus “distancers,” and what we can all do to work with our natural tendencies more skillfully. They discuss common relationship patterns, why pursuers usually receive more blame than distancers, schizoid personalities, and practical ways to break free from entrenched patterns.
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| Watch/Listen to the Full Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY TALK/MEDITATION: |
How to Be a Good Listener (and help others listen better to you!) |
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We all know the pain of feeling unheard—whether it’s in a close relationship, a professional setting, or even within our own inner world. Miscommunication, defensiveness, and distraction can leave us feeling disconnected, frustrated, or stuck.
So in this talk I address these common challenges and habits that get in the way of good listening and impact our ability to truly connect. |
| Check out the Talk & Meditation |
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ALSO NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST: |
Working with Your Parts: Complex PTSD, Dissociation, and Hypervigilance with Elizabeth Ferreira |
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Somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins Forrest to discuss complex PTSD, dissociation, and working with challenging emotions. Forrest and Elizabeth start by exploring the relationship between Internal Family Systems and somatic therapy, including how we can apply a somatic lens to working with our parts. |
| Watch/Listen to the Full Episode |
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ASK RICK: |
I am having difficulties getting over the rejection I feel when I think of my ex-husband. When going through the “Link” stage of your HEAL process, should my positive thought be one of love from others? |
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It is natural to continue to be bothered by negative thoughts and feelings long after a loss and psychological injury that’s as large as the one you experienced. In my model of the three ways to engage the mind – let be, let go, let in – sometimes it take many months, or even several years, to get through the first two of these. |
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"Try not be overwhelmed by the pain." |
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Then, on the basis of truly letting be and letting go, you can now let in most effectively, such as internalizing positive experiences of feeling cared about by others (e.g., friends, children), and feeling worthy and good in your own being. Then the linking step of holding both positive and negative in your mind will be most effective.
More generally, it helps me get free of my own suffering in relationships when I can see the suffering in others and have compassion for them. This does not mean I approve or let them off the moral hook, just that I also recognize their own pain and difficulties. Besides being benevolent, this seeing of the suffering of others paradoxically helps me feel less upset.
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RICK'S PICKS: |
Curiosity George Quotes |
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My friend George Klein, who is one of the wonderful stewards keeping the Wednesday Meditations rolling along, recently launched this cool website, which features a Spectacular Life Secrets calendar and Curiosity Card Game I think you'll really enjoy. |
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MindFull of Good is a free newsletter that highlights new and free content from Dr. Rick Hanson and the Being Well Podcast as well as other free offerings to fill yourself up with good. |
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