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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from
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DR. RICK HANSON
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Find yourself focusing on the bad stuff lately? That's your brain's negativity bias — which kept your ancestors alive — and in today's modern world, it tends to cause unnecessary stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. The good news? You can rewire your brain to take in all of the good that is actually happening. That's what I'll be teaching in my 6-week Positive Neuroplasticity Training, and if you sign up this week, you can save 50%.
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What's Changing? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Let Things Change. |
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— Why? — |
The fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things.
"Opening out" can sound kind of airy-fairy or flaky, but I mean it in very down-to-earth ways; check out these JOTs about it: accept it, accept them as they are, and let it
go. Here, I'm focusing on relaxing and opening into the fact that things keep changing, and not fighting it.
For example, thinking of things large and small: I'm aging, friends are getting cancer, our children are leaving home, and the San Francisco 49ers don't look as good as they did last year. I don't like these changes! But if I add resistance to them, if I go to war with change itself, that just makes me feel worse, and sometimes fires me up to act badly.
Pick something specific, like your body getting older (sagging here, graying there), your neighborhood altering, or things shifting in an important relationship. If you sense inside that you are fighting change, how does it feel? For me, it feels tense, contracted, uneasy. Alternately, if you can accept the sheer truth change, like it or not, how does it feel? Probably a lot better.
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— How? — |
Remember that you can accept the reality of change while also doing what you can to help things change for the better. Nothing about opening to the changing nature of both internal experiences and external conditions means that we should pursue wholesome ends with wholesome means any less wholeheartedly.
Think about something that's changing – or has changed – which you've been struggling with, but you can't stop the changes. Certain things naturally deteriorate; organized systems tend toward disorder; rust never sleeps. For instance, our sweet cat is growing infirm, ideas I had a few years ago that were once fresh and shiny are becoming clichéd and passé, and some old friends and I are growing apart. Or consider a change that you have been overlooking or even denying. Personally, I've tried to ignore the fact that my aging body can no longer stumble through life without exercise, and the cost to me of this denial is rising.
Try saying to yourself statements like: Things change . . . things are changing and I can't stop it . . . I accept the reality of change . . . even as things change I will do what I can to help them go well . . . Also be specific about the particular thing - I'll call it X here - that is changing, saying to yourself: X is changing . . . I wish it weren't but it is . . . multiple factors are leading X to change . . . so far I haven't been able to stop the change . . . I can still do whatever I think is appropriate about X . . . meanwhile, I can be giving toward myself and others . . .
As you say these things, try to relax, soften, and calm. Try to widen your view to see the whole picture, recognizing that countless other people are dealing with the same kinds of changes that you are. Feel how it would be a gift to yourself to let things change.
Also, consider how what may have seemed to be a change for the worse might perhaps be in some ways a change for the better. This is not to paper over the worsenings but to see as well the new opportunities.
Most intimately, see if you can be aware of and increasingly comfortable with the fleeting passing of each moment of experience. A remarkable fact is eternally present right under our noses: each moment disappears utterly as another one arises.
Try taking a single breath during which you continually let sensations and thoughts pass away over the course of the inhalation and exhalation. So many endings in a single breath. It can be a little frightening to face the vanishings in each instant of experience. Yet meanwhile, there are also so many beginnings, endlessly renewed; seeing this can help you be confident that it is alright to let go so profoundly.
Paradoxically, by letting your experience keep changing, you will gain an enduring peace.
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Read this Online
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Know someone who could let things change more? |
Share this Just One Thing practice with them!
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST
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The Anxiety Toolkit: How to Tolerate Uncertainty with Joshua Fletcher |
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Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time, and because it’s so common it can be easy to take it lightly. But anxiety dominates the lives of many people, and in this episode of the Being Well Podcast, psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher joins Forrest for an in-depth exploration of anxiety. They talk about the anxiety cycle, moving away from thinking in terms of a “cure,” and the key target of how to tolerate
uncertainty. Josh also shares insights on exposure therapy, managing self-criticism, and developing greater self-awareness.
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Check out the Episode
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GET READY FOR ELECTION DAY WITH
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Nonpartisan Voting Guides |
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When you vote, you care about yourself, others, and our future.
Visit guides.vote for simple, nonpartisan guides that show you where the candidates in national and local elections stand on big issues. They’re produced by veteran journalists with links to credible sources, so you can get up to speed and make educated choices quickly.
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Check It Out
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS
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5 Reasons Why You Are Working Hard and Going Nowhere |
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Last week, guest teacher Dr. Diana Hill offered a live meditation called Just Like Me: Breathing In and Out Our Common Humanity, followed by a talk on 5 Reasons Why You Are Working Hard and Going Nowhere, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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Check It Out
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MORE GOOD STUFF
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Biodiversity, the rich tapestry of life on Earth, is under severe threat, and COP16 represents a crucial opportunity for global leaders to translate their commitments into concrete actions to protect and restore nature's delicate balance, which is of course essential for our own survival and flourishing.
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FOR PARENTS
Love tends to join and hate to separate, but joining is not the same as love, and separation is not hatred. Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is take a step back: that’s distance in the service of attachment.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET?
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Resilient |
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How to Grow An Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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Get Your Copy
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WORDS OF WISDOM
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"The opposite of opening out is contraction, and a primary source of contraction is not accepting the way it is." |
— RICK HANSON, PHD
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024)
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