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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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If you've been enjoying my teachings and want another way to engage with them and apply them to your life - but you don't have a lot of time... you might want to check out my online mini-course - Just One Minute. It includes 57 teaching videos from me that each feature a different practice - and they're just a minute or two long. |
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Do you bear a grudge? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Transform Ill Will. |
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— Why? — |
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Goodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and - especially - thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.
Ill will tries to justify itself. In the moment, the rationalizations sound plausible, like the whisperings of Wormtongue in The Lord of the Rings. Only later do we realize how we have tricked ourselves.
And often our attempts at payback just get in the way of balls already ricocheting back toward the person who sent them flying in the first place.
Ill will creates negative, vicious cycles. But that means that goodwill can create positive cycles. Plus, goodwill cultivates wholesome qualities in you. |
— How? — |
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Be Aware of the Priming
Be mindful of factors that stimulate your sympathetic nervous system - such as stress, pain, worry, or hunger - and thus prime you for ill will. Try to defuse this priming early on: eat dinner before talking, take a shower, read something inspiring, or talk with a friend.
Regard Ill Will as an Affliction
Approach your own ill will as an affliction upon yourself so that you'll be motivated to drop it. Ill will feels bad and has negative health consequences; for example, regular hostility increases the risk of cardiovascular disease. Your ill will always harms you, but often it has no effect on the other person; as they say in twelve-step programs: Resentment is when I take poison and wait for you to die.
Investigate the Triggers
Inspect the underlying trigger of your ill will, such as a sense of threat or alarm. Look at it realistically. Are you exaggerating what happened in any way? Are you focusing on a single negative thing amidst a dozen good ones?
Study Ill Will
Take a day and really examine even the least bit of ill will you experience. See what causes it and what its effects are.
Settle Into Awareness
Settle into awareness, observing ill will but not identifying with it, watching it arise and disappear like any other experience.
Accept the Wound
Life includes getting wounded. Accept as a fact that people will sometimes mistreat you, whether accidentally or deliberately. Of course, this doesn't mean enabling others to harm you, or failing to assert yourself. You're just accepting the facts on the ground. Feel the hurt, the anger, the fear, but let them flow through you. Ill will can become a way to avoid facing your deep feelings and pain.
Relax the Sense of Self
Relax the sense of self. Experiment with letting go of the idea that there was actually an "I" or "me" who was affronted or wounded.
Have Faith in Justice
Have faith that others will pay their own price one day for what they've done. You don't have to be the justice system.
Don't Teach Lessons in Anger
Realize that some people won't get the lesson no matter how much you try. So why create problems for yourself in a pointless effort to teach them?
Forgive
Forgiveness doesn't mean changing your view that wrongs have been done. But it does mean letting go of the emotional charge around feeling wronged. The greatest beneficiary of your forgiveness is usually you. |
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Know someone who could let some grudges go? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Codependency and Healthy Dependency with Nedra Glover Tawwab |
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Protect your peace, set boundaries, don't let people drain your energy…there's a lot of advice like that, and it's easy to take it a little too far. Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Forrest to discuss the unintended consequences of the boundaries movement. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Accepting Your Vulnerabilities – Including from Early Childhood |
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Last week I offered a live meditation on Steadying Your Mind and Quieting It, followed by a talk on Accepting Your Vulnerabilities – Including from Early Childhood, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Astronomers were watching a huge, unstable star in Andromeda and were stunned to find it had simply disappeared, likely by collapsing straight into a black hole without the usual supernova fireworks.
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FOR PARENTS
Keeping romantic love alive in the midst of raising kids and earning a living is one of the hardest things that anyone can do. Often, the mother withdraws energy and attention from the father for the children, and the father withdraws from the mother both in reaction to her withdrawal and to provide for the family. Kids can also be the innocent catalysts of conflicts over money, schedules, values, religion, etc. These are real events with real consequences that require real action.
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FREE EVENT: TRAUMA, ATTACH(E)MENT & RESILIENCE SUMMIT
I'm excited to share that I'll be presenting at Quantum Way's 2026 Trauma, Attach(e)ment & Resilience Summit, running from March 18 to April 1. This FREE event brings together leading voices in trauma treatment and nervous system–informed care through talks, conversations, and practical exercises designed to support learning and real-world application.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Resilient |
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Learn how to develop key inner strengths – like grit, gratitude, and compassion – to stay calm, confident, and happy no matter what life throws at you. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"The greatest beneficiary of your forgiveness is usually you." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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