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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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Today at noon PT is my first live teaching session for the Rewire Your Anxious Brain 12-week course and it's the last day you can join! (Use coupon code JOT20 to save 20%!) |
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What do others want? |
THE PRACTICE: |
See Good Intentions. |
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— Why? — |
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Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop's refrigerator, a man bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he'd put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying, "This one is cold." I said thanks and took the one he offered.
He didn't know me and would never see me again. His job was stocking, not customer service. He was busy and looked tired. But he took the time to register that I'd gotten a warm bottle, and he cared enough to shift gears and get me a cold one. He wished me well.
I can see his friendly eyes as I write now, a week later. It was just a bottle of water. But I feel warmed by his kindness and buoyed by his good intentions.
Recognizing the positive intentions in others, we feel safer, more supported, and happier. And when others feel that you get their good intentions, they feel seen, appreciated, and more inclined to treat you well.
But it can be hard to recognize the goodwill in others. We're busy, distracted, and stressed. Positive aims are often buried beneath negative behaviors. The brain's innate negativity bias is continually scanning for bad news, bad intentions. The brain also reacts to novelty, so it tends to ignore the many positive intentions that pervade most daily life while spotlighting the occasional negative ones.
So you have to look for good intentions actively. Then you'll find them all around you – a window into the deep goodness in every being, no matter how obscure. |
— How? — |
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Take a minute to recognize the many good intentions – aims, purposes, desires – that you have in a typical day. Good intentions don't need to be saintly. Wanting to enjoy a cup of coffee, eat a decent breakfast, lock the door behind you, get to work on time, be conscientious, feel safe, care for a family, be a decent person, avoid trouble, hurt less, enjoy something sweet, not to quarrel, and to live to see the sunrise . . . these are all good intentions.
Most good intentions will be small. But they still matter. Just imagine the disasters if you replaced your good intentions with bad ones! Sure, some intentions aren't so good, such as desires to dominate, act out addictive cravings, or dump negative feelings on others. But for almost everyone, the great majority of intentions are good ones. Let it become a feeling, a strong sense in your body, that you are someone with good intentions.
Talking with a friend, be aware of their positive intentions. How does it feel to see them? Try this routinely with people you care about. I find that doing this helps me understand others better plus opens my heart. As appropriate, tell the other person what you've learned; hearing a recognition of one's good intentions can be a powerful experience.
Try seeing good intentions in strangers walking down the street – or in an airport. You'll see lots of courtesies, efforts to do a good job, desire to understand or be understood, loyalty to friends and causes, fair play, and kindnesses. This practice makes me happy and gives me a stronger sense of our common humanity.
Also, try this with people who are difficult for you. This is not to excuse them. But seeing good intentions amidst bad behaviors can help you feel less affected – less stressed, irritated, or worried – by other people. You could also ask others to recognize the good intentions in you.
There's an ember of sanctity in each one of us, including the one looking back in the mirror. Recognizing good intentions blows on that ember, adds fuel to it, and helps it grow into a warm and beautiful flame. |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Building the Habit of Excellence with Brad Stulberg |
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Top performance coach and author Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to reframe and reclaim excellence. Brad explains how real excellence – involved engagement with something you care about – is the healthy middle path between over-the-top hustle-culture and detached nonchalance. They discuss the current culture of pseudo-excellence, the risks and rewards of caring deeply, how modern life can derail us, and how the real prize is the person you become while trying to reach your goals. Brad shares practical tools to build the habit of excellence: clear aims, micro-milestones, consistency over intensity, constraint-based discipline, and connection. |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Five Ways to Feel Less Anxious |
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Last week I offered a live meditation called In the Quiet That Opens into Everything, followed by a talk on Five Ways to Feel Less Anxious, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Bright white kaolinite rocks spotted by NASA's Perseverance rover in Jezero Crater suggest Mars once had millions of years of warm, rainy weather - like ancient tropical forests on Earth - opening a window to a potentially life-friendly past on the red planet.
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FOR PARENTS
Even on a hard day, you can gently train your mind to rest more on what's working, and let the warmth of simple gratitude steady and nourish you.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Resilient |
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Learn how to develop key inner strengths – like grit, gratitude, and compassion – to stay calm, confident, and happy no matter what life throws at you. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"There's an ember of sanctity in each one of us, including the one looking back in the mirror." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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