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MindFull of GOOD

Dr. Rick Hanson's Occasional Collection of Good, Free Stuff

NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

Self-Sabotage: Why You Do What You Shouldn’t, and How to Stop

"The voice, the subpersonality, the part, the impulse that is the most powerful takes control of the overall executive process and leads us to do one thing or another."
— DR. RICK HANSON

We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop.

NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY TALK/MEDITATION:

The Seductions of Healthy Desires

This week I’d like to focus on something both personal and practical: What is a core practice that you return to when things go sideways? When you’re overwhelmed, irritated, frustrated, or just worn out? What’s the thing that centers you and brings you back to who you really are?

In this talk, I explore how even our healthiest desires—those driven by love, purpose, or care—can quietly pull us away from that inner home base. We often get caught up in doing good, striving for goals, or helping others… and still find ourselves exhausted, contracted, or discontent. Why? Because even wholesome desires can seduce us into over-efforting and losing touch with the deeper peace that’s always available.

HAVE YOU READ IT YET?

Buddha's Brain: 15th Anniversary Edition

With more than 500,000 copies in print since it was first published, I'm proud to announce the 15th Anniversary edition of my book Buddha's Brain, which features this new preface.

ALSO NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

Terry Real: Great Relationships, True Intimacy, and Inner Child Work

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can get past our conditioning and build deeper, more meaningful connections. They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness.

ASK RICK:

Why do people 'beat themselves up'? Does it serve any hidden purpose?

I think people beat themselves up – which is different from healthy guidance of oneself (which includes appropriate winces of remorse or shame) – for two reasons: too much inner attacking, and too little inner nurturance. These two forces in the mind are out of balance. Why? Multiple reasons, including individual differences in temperament (some people are more prone to anxiety or grumpiness).

"But for most people the primary sources are what they have internalized (especially as a child) from their family, peers, and culture."

Then, once harsh self-criticism has been internalized along with insufficient internalization of self-nurturance, beating oneself up can take on a life of its own, both as simply a habit and as a way (that goes much too far, at considerable cost) to avoid the possibility of making mistakes or looking bad in front of others.

Whole networks of neurons and related and complex physical processes (e.g., neurotransmitter activity, epigenetic processes) are the basis for acquiring fears, including because a person has been on the receiving end of much anger from others. In other words, learning occurs: emotional, social, somatic, motivational, attitudinal learning: enduring changes in neural structure or function due to a person’s experiences. Check out Joseph LeDoux and the learning of anxiety and fear.

The amygdala also flags experiences as personally relevant, with a bias in most people’s brains toward flagging what is negatively relevant. Then the hippocampus gets involved, tagging that relevant experience for storage. (I’m simplifying a complex process, that also involves other circuitry in the brain.) The amygdala and hippocampus have receptors for various neurochemicals, including oxytocin, and over time these subcortical parts of the brain (two of each, on either side of the brain) can be modified by our experiences; in effect, they “learn,” too.

FROM LION'S ROAR:

A Bionic Breakthrough

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