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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from
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DR. RICK HANSON
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Just a friendly reminder that the 30% discount on my upcoming masterclass ends tonight.
Your brain is wired to spot the bad and overlook the good — but you can change that. In my Hardwiring Happiness Masterclass this Saturday, I’ll teach you how to use the power of positive neuroplasticity to feel steady, calm, and joyful inside (no matter what's happening around you). I really believe that these skills are a gamechanger, and I hope you'll join me!
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Are you full to the rim? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Empty the Cup. |
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— Why? — |
Once upon a time, a scholar came to visit a saint. After the scholar had been orating and propounding for a while, the saint proposed some tea. She slowly filled the scholar's cup: gradually the tea rose to the very brim and began spilling over onto the table, yet she kept pouring and pouring. The scholar burst out: "Stop! You can't add anything to something that's already full!" The saint set down the teapot and replied, "Exactly."
Whether it's the blankness of a canvas to an artist, the silence between the notes in music, bare dirt for a new garden, the not-knowing openness of a scientist exploring new hypotheses, an unused shelf in a closet or cupboard, or some open time in your schedule, you need space to act effectively, dance with your partners, and have room around your emotional reactions.
Yet most of us, me included, tend to stuff as much as possible into whatever room is available – room in closets, schedules, budgets, relationships, and even the mind itself.
Personally, my own mind is often filled with themes of work: details of tasks to do, problems to avert, opportunities to capture keep swelling up again into awareness to capture my attention. For a friend of mine, the wallpaper of her own mind, as she puts it, is rumination about her health problems.
Remember the cup: its value is in the space, the emptiness, it holds.
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— How? — |
Be more mindful of the elements of space, openness, possibility, reserve capacity, and emptiness in your life. This includes room in a drawer, the volume of air in a kitchen, the vacuum in a lightbulb, openmindedness in a friend, or minimal traffic on a highway. Consciously appreciate the beneficial somethings that are the gifts of various nothings.
What's the "wallpaper" in your own mind - the everyday preoccupations that fill it up like Bermuda grass taking over a yard? The usual suspects include recurring worries, issues with work, resentments, and regrets. Try to be more mindful of these, and disengage faster when they start taking over. Shift your attention to something that's positive and interesting, and then try to invest yourself more in this topic.
Sometimes you're just stuck with a big bucket of tasks yet to do (I've been there . . . oops, I still am here!). But at least empty the bucket faster than you fill it with new tasks.
Put some space between finishing one thing and starting another. For example, after sending one email, take a breath before replying to another one; when the dishes are done, pause for a break; in a conversation, let the ending of one topic reverberate for a moment before launching another one; take real time for lunch.
Drop the stuff you can no longer afford to lug around. At sea level, you can run with a brick in your backpack, but if you're hiking on a mountain, that brick's got to go. Similarly, most of us have some habits, indulgences, ideas, grudges, or fixations that were kind of OK at one time but now - with changing circumstances (such as juggling more balls, raising a family, aging) - are wearing you down and really need to go. What's your own brick? What would you gain by emptying it out of your own backpack?
Explore the practice of not-adding as a form of subtracting, emptying: not firing back with a tart rejoinder in a quarrel . . . not presuming you know the right answer to something . . . not taking on a new commitment . . . not plopping more stuff on the counter . . . not piling on another self-criticism . . .
Enjoy emptiness in the forms that speak to you: perhaps the quiet at night when everyone's asleep but you, a blank page in your journal, a friend's receptive listening, an open counter as you begin to cook (love this one myself), a hole in your schedule, the space between thoughts as your mind calms and becomes still, or a Saturday with no plans at all.
Or a cup waiting patiently for tea.
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Know someone who could empty the cup?
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them!
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST
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How to Be Yourself: Authenticity in Relationships with Elizabeth Ferreira |
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In this very fun episode, Forrest and Elizabeth discuss how to be yourself and get on the same team in a relationship. They explore how conditions of worth, masking, and developmental trauma can get in the way of showing up authentically, and how falling into common relationship roles can reinforce this. Elizabeth talks about how healthy anger can actually be a productive force in a relationship, and how relationships change when both members start prioritizing the other’s wants and needs. Other topics include “dating yourself,” embracing the slightly weirder version of who you are, and celebrating
self-exploration.
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| Check out the Episode
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS
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Letting Go of Old Baggage for a Better Future |
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Last week I offered a live meditation on Becoming Absorbed in Peaceful Open Presence, followed by a talk on Letting Go of Old Baggage for a Better Future, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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MORE GOOD STUFF
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Astronomers witnessed a supermassive black hole 10 billion light-years away rip apart a giant star, unleashing a flare so bright that it briefly shone with the power of 10 trillion suns - a rare, record-breaking cosmic event.
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FOR PARENTS
Let’s be realistic: it’s completely normal for a mother to get angry with her children. Or with her partner, the in-laws, her clueless boss—or herself. Studies have found that the more children a woman has, the more time she spends with them or doing housework, or the more hassles she has with child care or her kids, the angrier she’s likely to be. There’s no need to feel guilty about anger itself. The real question is, what can you do about it?
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET?
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Making Great Relationships |
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Learn 50 simple practices for solving conflicts, building connection, and fostering love. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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| Get Your Copy
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WORDS OF WISDOM
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"Remember the cup: its value is in the space, the emptiness, it holds." |
— RICK HANSON, PHD
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024)
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