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MindFull of GOOD

Dr. Rick Hanson's Occasional Collection of Good, Free Stuff

NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

Anxious-Avoidant Relationships, Narcissism, and Insight to Action: Mailbag

"So when the fact is that you are with people who actually include you, see you, appreciate you, like you, or love you, let that fact become an experience, which then you slow down to take in the good of."
— DR. RICK HANSON

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer questions about complex situations where good process really matters, including anxious-avoidant relationships. They discuss whether to get back with an ex who has seemingly changed, relationships with someone with addictive tendencies, the difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic tendencies, and why genuine change requires more than insight alone. Other topics include how much to tell your therapist, fears of being misunderstood, and how to approach meditation if you have an underlying vulnerability.

NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY TALK/MEDITATION:

Just Do the Right Thing

So often we get caught in worry, strain, and the constant pressure to do more — to fix everything, to control what we simply can’t.

In this talk, I explore how to let go of what’s beyond our power, how to do the “next right thing” even when life feels overwhelming, and how to find balance between striving and simply being.

HAVE YOU READ IT YET?

Buddha's Brain: 15th Anniversary Edition

With more than 500,000 copies in print since it was first published, I'm proud to announce the 15th Anniversary edition of my book Buddha's Brain, which features this new preface.

ALSO NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST:

People Pleasing and the Fawn Response with Meg Josephson

Forrest and therapist Meg Josephson explore the fawn response, a survival strategy where safety is sought through people pleasing. They discuss how fawning can start as self-protection in childhood, but later morph into overthinking, hypervigilance, and self-abandonment. Meg shares her own experience, including how fawning creates resentment and makes it difficult to find a healthy relationship or figure out your authentic needs.

ASK RICK:

What is the difference between allowing someone or something to take advantage of you vs. letting go?

When we sustain a mindful awareness of outer events or inner experience, we are actually doing the opposite of submitting to them, in the sense you mean. We are recognizing them as facts – like them or not, they exist – perhaps with a sense of acceptance or serenity, but not letting them control us.

In fact, when we fight with them – like getting angry at having certain thoughts – they are controlling us. And, with the perspective and wisdom that come from awareness and investigation, we can be strong, forceful, even passionate in speaking truth to power – both out there, and (often more importantly) inside our own heads.

"What we let go of mainly are our unhelpful, unhappy reactions to things. We don’t let go of recognizing and standing up against injustice, or let go of our legitimate interests."

The main things that take advantage of us are our fearful, angry, self-doubting reactions to things.

Check out my chapter on kindness and assertiveness in Buddha’s Brain, or the resources on relationships on my website, and see what you think.

RICK'S PICK:

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