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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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Ever get stuck in the same old thoughts—about yourself, other people, or what’s possible in your life? It’s frustrating, and it can really wear you down. In my upcoming course Change Your Mind, I’ll walk you through ways to shift those patterns so you can step into more useful and hopeful thoughts about yourself and others. (And if you sign up now, you can save 40%.) |
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What's in your heart to say? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Speak Truly. |
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— Why? — |
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It's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.
In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your relationships - is your tongue. Thousands of times each day, it (or your fingers on a keyboard: same thing) offers the good word or the bad one out into your world.
If you say what's true for you, and say it clearly and kindly, you get one kind of results. But if you use a sharp tongue, speak falsely, exaggerate, or leave out the parts that are most important to you, you get different results: unnecessary conflicts, lost opportunities, a tightness in your chest, etc.
Of course, the most important person to speak truly to is yourself, with inner speech. Come to peace with the truth: the facts, your experiences and intentions, the goodness inside your heart, what's led to what for better or worse.
On the other hand, if you act like something is true but deep down there's a knowing that it's not - like it's OK not to go after an important dream, or that you can keep putting off dealing with a health issue such as smoking, or that everything's fine in a cool and distant marriage - you're living on thin ice: hard to build a good life on that foundation.
Truth is bedrock. Even if you wish the truth were different, it's what you can count on in a world full of selling, spin, and BS. It's your refuge. |
— How? — |
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Speaking truly does not mean saying everything. You can cut to the chase in a conversation, not burden a child with more than he or she can understand, be civil when you're angry, and not spill your guts in a meeting.
Nor should you confide more than is appropriate. There's a place for privacy, for not telling A everything you know about B, for recognizing how intimately you can safely communicate in a particular situation or relationship.
Speaking truly - to yourself and to others - does mean being authentic. Is your outer expression lined up with your inner experience? Most of us have "that thing" which is hard to express. For me growing up, it was feeling inadequate. For many men, it's feelings of fear or weakness. For many women, it's feelings of anger or power. Could you find appropriate ways to say your whole truth, whatever it is?
Ask yourself: "What am I actually experiencing?" Relax your face completely and look at it in the mirror: What does it tell you? What does it say you really need these days?
Also ask yourself: "What's important that's not getting named?" This applies both to you and to others. Consider the hurt or anxiety beneath irritation, or the rights or needs that are the real stakes on the table. Is there an elephant in the room that no one is mentioning? Maybe someone has a problem with anger or with drinking too much, or is simply depressed. Maybe someone's jumbo job - 60, 70 hours a week or more, counting commute and weekend emails - is crowding family life out to the margins.
Especially when you're upset, watch out for distortions in the words you use. These include leaving out the context (like getting mad at a misbehaving child who's hungry), using extreme language - words like "always" or flat statements that should be qualified - or using a tone that's harsh or nasty. Without talking like a robot, look for ways to be more judicious, accurate, and to the point in what you say.
Last, accept the fact that no one is a perfect communicator. You're always going to leave something out, and that's OK. You have to give conversations room to breathe, without continually judging yourself as to whether you're speaking truly! Communicating is repairing. As long as you come with basic sincerity and goodwill, your words will weave and mend a tapestry of truth in all your relationships. |
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Know someone who could speak their truth more often? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Self-Sabotage: Why You Do What You Shouldn’t, and How to Stop |
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We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
The Seductions of Healthy Desires |
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Last week I offered a live meditation titled "Settle In, Open Out: A Guided Meditation for Presence and Peace," followed by a talk focused on "The Seductions of Healthy Desires: Getting What You Want Without Burning Out," and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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| Check It Out |
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Two European satellites are flying in super-precise formation to block the sun and create artificial solar eclipses in space, giving scientists hours of eclipse time to study the sun’s corona whenever they want.
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FOR PARENTS
Many kids labeled as distractible or hyper are simply responding naturally to their environment, so considering what “normal” really means could be useful when talking about ADHD and what to do about it.
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POSITIVE NEUROPLASTICITY
PositiveNeuroplasticity.com provides resources and real-life accounts for using positive brain change in your everyday life. Classes and one-on-one counselling are also available to deepen your learning.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Resilient |
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Learn how to develop key inner strengths – like grit, gratitude, and compassion – to stay calm, confident, and happy no matter what life throws at you. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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| Get Your Copy |
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"The most important person to speak truly to is yourself, with inner speech." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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