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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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Do you find yourself getting caught in the same repetitive thoughts—whether about yourself, others, or what your future holds? It’s really exhausting and can take a toll on your well-being. In my Change Your Mind course, which just kicked off this week, I guide you through practical ways to break those patterns and open up to more positive, hopeful perspectives about yourself and those around you. (Plus, if you enroll now, you’ll get 30% off.)
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Who’s left off your gift list? |
THE PRACTICE: |
Gift Yourself. |
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— Why? — |
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Can you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, such as eating a cookie or running warm water over cold hands. Long ago, the Buddha said that generosity makes one happy before, during, and after the giving.
Then there is receiving. Can you remember a different time, when someone was giving toward you? Maybe it was tangible, something you could hold in your hands, or perhaps it was something like a moment of warmth, or an apology, or some kind of restraint. Whatever it was, how did it feel? Probably pretty good.
Well, if you are giving . . . toward yourself . . . it’s a two-for-one deal! And besides the benefits noted above, there are the implicit rewards of taking action rather than being passive (which helps reduce any sense of learned helplessness, to which mammals like us are very vulnerable), and of treating yourself like you matter, which is especially important if you haven’t felt like you mattered enough to others.
Further, when you give more to yourself, you have more to offer others when your own cup runneth over. Studies show that as people experience greater well-being, they are usually more inclined toward kindness, patience, altruism, and other kinds of “prosocial” behavior. As Bertrand Russell wrote: The good life is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy; I mean that if you are happy you will be good. |
— How? — |
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Gifting yourself comes in many forms, most of them in small moments in everyday life. For example, as I write this, the gift is to lean back from the keyboard, take a breath, look out the window, and relax. It’s a do-able gift.
Less tangibly, earlier this week I was getting wrapped up mentally in wanting a friend to succeed in his business, so I gave myself the “treat” of letting go of my over-investment in things beyond my control. Sitting in a meeting earlier today and thinking about this practice, I took in the gift of appreciating how fortunate I was to learn from the other people in the room.
Not doing can also be an important gift to yourself: Not having that third beer, not interrupting a friend’s irritated account of a hassle at work, not bugging a lover who wants some space right now, not staying up late watching TV, not rushing about while you drive . . .
You can see how many opportunities there are each day to offer yourself simple yet beautiful and powerful gifts. Routinely ask yourself: What could I give myself right now? Or: What do I long for – that’s in my power to give myself? Then try to actually do it.
Focusing on a longer time frame, ask yourself: What’s the gift I want to offer myself today? This week? This year? Even: This life? Try to stay with the listening to the answers, letting them ring and ring again in the open space of awareness.
You could also imagine a deeply nurturing being and see what this one gives you – and then open to giving this to yourself.
Knowing your own giving heart – which is usually offered to others – can you extend that heart to yourself? Out of kindness and wisdom, cherishing and support, let your gifts flow to that one being in this world over whom you have the most power and therefore to whom you have the highest duty of care – the one who has your name. |
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Know someone who could be more giving to themselves? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Rethinking Masculinity: Strength and Connection w/ Terry and Justin Real |
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Forrest is joined by renowned therapist Terry Real and his son Justin for a frank exploration of modern masculinity. They talk about why so many men feel like they’re struggling these days, and how the traditional model of masculinity perpetuates this problem. They discuss the appeal of red pill cultures, the cultural pushback against gender equality, and how the answer is not more dominance but more connection. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
The Power of Appreciation – and How to Get More of It from Others |
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Last week I offered a live meditation on Enjoying Your Meditations, followed by a talk on The Power of Appreciation – and How to Get More of It from Others, and I hope you'll check it out.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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| Check It Out |
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Scientists have recently discovered that the little grooves in your brain might actually predict how good you are at problem-solving.
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FOR PARENTS
Parents often work out their differences informally, but sometimes, you’d benefit from a process that’s a little more structured.
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THE LIBERATING LIGHT OF INSIGHT
I recently wrote a piece for Lion’s Roar about how insight can help us feel freer, more at peace, and less caught up in the struggles of everyday life. It touches on six key realizations from Buddhist wisdom and modern psychology that have personally helped me—and I hope they’ll offer something meaningful for you, too.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Resilient |
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Learn how to develop key inner strengths – like grit, gratitude, and compassion – to stay calm, confident, and happy no matter what life throws at you. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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| Get Your Copy |
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"When you give more to yourself, you have more to offer others when your own cup runneth over." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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