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Just One Thing |
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Simple Practices for Resilience and Happiness from |
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DR. RICK HANSON |
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In my article below, I focus on the importance of seeing the whole picture... and that applies to our relationships as well. When we step back, we often realize how much our early interactions with others still shape our present ones. In my upcoming course, Healing Insecure Attachment, you’ll explore practical ways to gently shift old patterns—so you can feel more secure, more connected, and more at peace in your relationships today. (And you can save 30% if you sign up by Friday.) |
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The tree or the forest? |
THE PRACTICE: |
See the Big Picture. |
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— Why? — |
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I once went to the movies when it was raining and brought my umbrella. Arriving early, I sat down on a bench to read, then headed to the theater. Suddenly I heard, “Uh, mister!” – and turned to see a teenage boy with a friendly smile running toward me with my umbrella. He didn’t know me but went out of his way to help a stranger.
As a small frog in a huge pond, I once gave a talk at the World Government Summit in Dubai, and had a similar experience. Political news can sometimes be alarming. Yes, whatever is truly bad is truly bad. But meanwhile, what I saw in Dubai was a thousand or so people, each one representing thousands if not millions of others in the United Nations, nonprofits, government agencies, media, religious organizations, and businesses that are working hard to nudge our world to a better place.
The vast majority of human acts each day are constructive: making meals, tending to children, saying hello, restraining anger, completing tasks, planting seeds, teaching, healing, nurturing, cooperating, smiling, and on and on it goes. Recognizing this truth is comforting and inspiring. There is still hope! |
— How? — |
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Here are some suggestions.
Widen the View
The nervous system evolved what’s called a “negativity bias” that routinely scans for bad news. Then the brain fixates upon it with tunnel vision. This may aid immediate survival, but not long-term well-being and healthy relationships.
To counter this tendency, lift up your gaze to include more of what’s around you, and then all the way up to the horizon line. This activates neural circuits that are holistic and inclusive, not locked into a narrow, self-centered point of reference. Or imagine that you are seeing your home, work, relationships, organization, nation, or world from a bird’s-eye view. What looks different from this panoramic perspective?
Also, put current situations in the context of time, 13.7 billion years into the life of our universe. Will the current drama, whatever it is, matter so much in a year? In a century? In a tenth of the lifespan of our species itself, which is to say about 20,000 years from now?
How about the context of space: the conflicts in a home located in the geography of a nation, or one nation’s issues among 200+ other countries, or Earth’s troubles in a universe with over 2 trillion galaxies, each containing hundreds of billions of stars?
The point of doing this is never to deny or minimize whatever pain or dangers are real – but to place them in a larger framework that can bring wisdom and ease a sore heart.
See What’s Working
As an experiment, start looking around your immediate situation to identify specific things that are working. For example, writing here I’m aware of a functioning keyboard, a cup holding coffee without leaking, food in the pantry, pictures of our kids who are doing well, a pond overflowing with rain water but not breaking, my wife living and breathing while using a functioning telephone, my own heart continuing to beat . . .
As you notice things that are working, see if you can find a sense of relief, reassurance, or confidence. Slow it down and take it in.
Consider a troubled relationship. Whatever has been good in it in the past will always have been good. Whatever is good in it today amidst whatever is not is still good.
Even a country: so many ordinary things getting done, roads being mended, schools operating, scientists and teachers and journalists discovering and communicating the facts and the real news, many brave people standing up and speaking out.
When we see what’s not working in the larger context of what is working, we become heartened, emboldened, and re-focused on what we can do rather than on what we cannot.
Enjoy the Sky
Bad news draws the mind like storm clouds draw the eye. Yet all around those clouds is a vast and untroubled sky. What pops into the forefront of awareness is by definition a small part of the whole, a figure standing out against the ground.
It’s a kind of optical illusion, a well-intended trick by Mother Nature to help her children survive. Sure, deal with the clouds as needed. But remember the sky: the vast networks of human cooperation that dwarf our conflicts, the love that persists, the building up and the mending that dwarfs the tearing down and apart.
And remember the sky of mind, spacious awareness through which thoughts and feelings, fear and anger, pass like clouds – never altering or harming the sky itself. |
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Know someone who could see more of the big picture? |
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Share this Just One Thing practice with them! |
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
Emotionally Immature Parents: How They Shape Us, and How to Heal – with Dr. Lindsay Gibson |
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Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore emotional immaturity, the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature parents, and what we can do to change those patterns in adulthood. They discuss the key signs of emotional immaturity, including egocentrism, low empathy, and affective realism. Dr. Gibson then shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects children, often by leading to emotional disconnection and people-pleasing, and the consequences of these patterns in adult life. Topics include the problems with “just be more compassionate,” estrangement, balancing competing desires, and how to heal in adulthood by reconnecting with your feelings, letting go of old fantasies, and setting healthy boundaries. |
| Check out the Episode |
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NEW FROM THE WEDNESDAY MEDITATIONS + TALKS |
Three Ways to Live with Loss |
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Whether it’s the heartbreak of losing a loved one, the gradual loss of health or ability, the rupture of a relationship, or even the loss of a future we once hoped for — grief touches all of us. And yet, so often we bear it alone, ashamed, stoic, or simply overwhelmed.
So last week I offered a talk and meditation on how to live well, even while facing what feels unbearable.
If you haven't yet, sign up to join me every week for this free, live offering.
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MORE GOOD STUFF |
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SCIENCE NEWS (VIEW ARCHIVE HERE)
Scientists have found a tiny, super-hospitable planet orbiting a dwarf star just 124 light years away, sparking hopes for the possibility of alien life.
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FOR PARENTS
Research shows that when men are more involved in their families, they feel better about themselves, their wives feel better about themselves, their marriage is more satisfying to each spouse, and remarkably, their children are more popular and successful in elementary school.
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MASTERCLASS: HEALING ANXIETY, SHAME, AND ANGER
I'm excited to join my colleagues Steve Hayes and Diana Hill for the GCC masterclass Healing Anxiety, Shame, and Anger, where you'll learn to harness these emotions as catalysts for growth, cultivate self-compassion, and build emotional resilience through engaging lessons and practical exercises. Register by April 25th to receive 25% off the regular $199 price!
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FREE SUMMIT: Attachment, Trauma, and Toxic Relationships
If you're navigating challenges in your relationships, or simply want to deepen your understanding of attachment and trauma, you may want to check out the free online summit on Attachment, Trauma, and Toxic Relationships. It's packed with insights from over 50 experts in the field, including me. Click here to sign up.
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HAVE YOU READ IT YET? |
Neurodharma |
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New Science, Ancient WIsdom, and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness. Available in Hardcover, Paperback eBook, and Audiobook, wherever books are sold.
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WORDS OF WISDOM |
"The vast majority of human acts each day are constructive: making meals, tending to children, saying hello, restraining anger, completing tasks, planting seeds, teaching, healing, nurturing, cooperating, smiling, and on and on it goes. Recognizing this truth is comforting and inspiring." |
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— RICK HANSON, PHD |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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