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Quick note: If one of your difficulties is connecting with others in a way that feels safe and satisfying, I hope you'll join me next month for a 5-week series on Healing Insecure Attachment. (And it's half-price right now.)
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Sometimes things are difficult. Your legs are tired and you still have to stay on your feet another hour at work. You love a child who's finding her independence through emotional distance from you. A long-term relationship could be losing its spark. It's finals week in college. You're trying to start a business and it's struggling. You've got a chronic health problem or a disability. Sometimes people don't appreciate your work. You're being discriminated against or
otherwise treated unjustly. The body ages, sags, and grows weary.
Plus there are all the little hassles of everyday life. You're in an airport and can't get Wi-Fi (the injustice!). You're at home looking for the ice cream and someone ate the last of it. You're talking to your partner and realize he or she isn't really paying attention.
Obviously, not all difficulties are equally . . . difficult. And to observe that life contains unavoidable difficulty is not to minimize its impacts or to suggest that we should give up trying to make life better. But people – me included – add a lot of unnecessary frustration, anxiety, and self-criticism by resisting difficulty – often with an underlying attitude of “it shouldn’t be this way."
Try the attitude of accepting difficulty instead of getting aggravated by it. It's a lot more peaceful.
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So, how do you do it? |
In the moment, start by acknowledging any stress, weariness, frustration, anxiety, or pain. Open to the impact on your body and mind of whatever is difficult. Let the experience be whatever it is. Try to step back from it and observe it. Let it flow . . . flowing through you . . . and flowing on out the door.
For sure have self-compassion, the simple wish that a being not suffer applied to yourself. Say to yourself things like ouch, this hurts, I wish it didn't . . . may I not suffer.
Then step back. See if there is any resistance to things being difficult, and see if you can let it go. Perhaps there's a belief deep down that life should be fulfilling, peaceful, buffered from pain. Keep softening around the inherent difficulties in living, dealing with them as best you can but not struggling with them. Notice that when you stop resisting a difficulty, it starts feeling less difficult.
As appropriate, try on the attitude: I signed up for this. Not to blame yourself for things that have happened to you or to discount your stress or weariness, but to establish yourself in a relationship of choice toward whatever is difficult. For example, stuck in traffic toward work, remind yourself that this is part of making a living; awakened yet again by your baby, feel in your body yet again your choice to be a parent; under any conditions, you could recognize again your ongoing choice to be alive. Say to yourself: this is difficult and that’s OK . . . I accept the difficulty here . . . yes, it’s difficult, and so what?
It's OK that things are difficult. That's part of what gives them their savor. Not all fulfilling experiences are grounded in some difficulty, but many are. Honor yourself for the hard things you're dealing with. And be aware of the things that are not difficult in your life, including the things that do support you.
In particular, keep up your personal practices during difficult times, such as exercise, meditation, moments of gratitude, protein at every meal, and doing things that nurture you. The more difficult your life, the more you need to take care of yourself.
Difficulties come and go. Meanwhile, your own good qualities and the good things in life persist and remain.
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MORE GOOD STUFF
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I’m honored to be one of the 40+ voices featured in The Power of Love Summit, alongside leading teachers and experts in psychology, spirituality, trauma healing, and conscious relationships. Together, we’ll be offering practical wisdom and deep insight into how love transforms every dimension of life.
Check it out here
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4 Ways to Practice with Time
Time can feel overwhelming, fleeting, or full of regret—but it can also become a doorway into gratitude, freedom, presence, and deeper peace. In this talk I reflect on gratitude, mortality, regret, letting go, and what it means to live wisely and wholeheartedly in the days that remain to us.
Check it out here | Join the Wednesday Talks for Free
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SCIENCE NEWS: Stressed? Just a couple of minutes of meditation might help.
A large body of research shows that meditation benefits the brain, but how much is required is less clear. This study suggests that a little bit goes a long way.
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FOR PARENTS: Self-Awareness for Kids and Grownups
Helping kids develop self-awareness starts with us: when we learn to notice and accept our own inner world with kindness, we give children the foundation to understand their feelings, build resilience, and grow into emotionally healthy adults.
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NEW BOOK AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER
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A Happy, Healthy Mom |
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We wrote this book for moms who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or stretched too thin during the early years of raising a child. My wife Jan (a nutrition expert), friend Ricki Pollycove (a gynecologist-obstetrician), and I hope this will help moms reconnect to their own needs, restore their energy, reduce stress, and feel more supported — physically and emotionally. If you're a mom - or know one who could use some more support, I hope you'll check it out!
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NEW ON THE PODCAST
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EPISODE 473:
Forrest and I explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. We talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn’t for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults.
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> Listen Now
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results.
Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2026)
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