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Simple practices for resilient happiness from Rick Hanson, PhD |
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I've seen countless people struggle in their interactions with others, in situations that could have been easily resolved by one or both parties simply opening up, being vulnerable, and showing their real desires, worries, and selves. But it can be scary to open up and be real. That's why I hope you'll join me and Daniel Ellenberg for a 5-week course on The Courage to Connect, which starts this Saturday and will teach you how to be more self-accepting and confident, express yourself more fully, get more of what you need from others, and have more satisfying relationships. Sign up by Friday to get this course half-off. |
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Do you care? |
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The Practice: |
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Have Compassion. |
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Why? |
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Compassion is essentially the wish that beings do not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern.
You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.
Compassion is not pity, agreement, or a waiving of your rights. You can have compassion for people who've wronged you while also insisting that they treat you better.
Compassion by itself opens your heart and nourishes people you care about. Those who receive your compassion are more likely to be patient, forgiving, and compassionate with you. Compassion reflects the wisdom that everything is related to everything else, and it naturally draws you into feeling more connected with all things.
Additionally, compassion can incline you to helpful action. For example, one study showed that motor circuits in the brain lit up when people were feeling compassionate as if they were getting ready to do something about the suffering they were sensing. |
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How? |
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Compassion is natural; you don't have to force it; just open to the difficulty, the struggle, the stress, the impact of events, the sorrow and strain in the other person; open your heart, let yourself be moved, and let compassion flow through you.
Feel what compassion's like in your body - in your chest, throat, and face. Sense the way it softens your thoughts, gentles your reactions. Know it so you can find your way back again.
Moments of compassion come in the flow of life - maybe a friend tells you about a loss, or you can see the hurt behind someone's angry face, or a hungry child looks out at you from the pages of a newspaper.
Also, you can deliberately call in compassion a minute (or more), perhaps each day; here are a few suggestions:
- Relax and tune into your body.
- Remember the feeling of being with someone who cares about you.
- Bring to mind someone it is easy to feel compassion for.
- Perhaps put your compassion into words, softly heard in the back of your mind, such as: "May you not suffer . . . may this hard time pass . . . may things be alright for you."
- Expand your circle of compassion to include others; consider a benefactor (someone who has been kind to you), friend, neutral person, difficult person (a challenge, certainly), and yourself (sometimes the hardest person of all).
- Going further, extend compassion to all the beings in your family . . . neighborhood . . . city . . . state . . . country . . . world. All beings, known or unknown, liked or disliked. Humans, animals, plants, even microbes. Beings great or small, in the air, on the ground, under water. Including all, omitting none.
Going through your day, open to compassion from time to time for people you don't know: someone in a deli, a stranger on a bus, crowds moving down the sidewalk.
Let compassion settle into the background of your mind and body. As what you come from, woven into your gaze, words, and actions.
Omitting none. |
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Know Someone Who Could Use More Compassion?
Share this Just One Thing practice with them!
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NEW ON THE BEING WELL PODCAST |
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The Dark Triad: Dealing with Toxic People |
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Dr. Rick and Forrest unpack the Dark Triad of personality traits – narcissism, Machiavellianism, and sociopathy – and explore how these traits can manifest in everyday relationships. They dive into how individuals with these tendencies use charm and manipulation to control situations and people, and offer practical strategies for identifying these traits in others. |
| Watch/Listen to the Episode |
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Resources for Navigating Political Turmoil |
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Not too surprisingly, I've been receiving a lot of questions lately about how to deal with everything going on in the political landscape in the United States and around the world. With that in mind, I've put together this page of free resources to offer some guidance during these challenging times and hope you find it useful. |
| Check It Out |
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More Good Stuff |
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WEDNESDAY MEDITATION |
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Watch last week's meditation and talk on How to Feel Already Content, and if you haven't yet, join me every week for this free, live offering. |
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Thanks to a nearby eroding river gorge, Mount Everest is continuing to grow in height each year, and over time, it's really adding up. |
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FOR PARENTS |
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For parents whose kids are starting a new semester at college, this great article discusses strategies for college students to manage mental health challenges, emphasizing the importance of seeking support, practicing self-care, and utilizing campus resources. |
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POSITIVE NEUROPLASTICITY |
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PositiveNeuroplasticity.com provides resources and real-life accounts for using positive brain change in your everyday life. Classes and one-on-one counselling are also available to deepen your learning. |
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Making Great Relationships |
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Get 50 simple practices for solving conflicts, building connection, and fostering love in my latest book. |
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"In order to be truly compassionate, you must first feel something of what the other person is going through. You must have empathy, which cuts through the automatic tendencies of the brain that create an “us” and a “them.”"
Rick Hanson, Ph.D. |
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JUST ONE THING (JOT) is the free newsletter that suggests a simple practice each week for more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind. A small thing repeated routinely adds up over time to produce big results. |
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Just one thing that could change your life.
(© Rick Hanson, 2024) |
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